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Not Bitches: Why Men Always Fall Hard for Alpha Females

Years and years ago, women everywhere had a revelation, an awakening of sorts, thanks to the book, “Why Men Love Bitches”.

Sexy blonde alpha lady sitting on her car
Alpha ladies love their life and are 100% engaged with it.

The tongue-in-cheek title, while trying to be intentionally provocative and poke fun at the idea that men only responded to women who treated them badly, had a thesis that holds true even today:

Men don’t want doormats. They may not know exactly what they want. But when they see it, they know it.

Essentially men, like women, respond to strength and confidence — Mars and Venus indeed. Seems we’re a lot more alike than you’d have guessed. A revolution that started with suffrage and was carried forward by Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, Ruth Bader Ginsberg and the Roe v. Wade ruling has given us today the ultimate woman. More than a decade later, we’ve come face to face with the best version of ourselves.

Drama queens beware and alpha males, step aside. Or, rather, make room: the alpha female is here and she’s stealing your man’s heart.

Alpha Females Never Settle

These women are not the “settlers” in life. They’ll never get complacent or too comfortable. They may be content but they’ll never be “satisfied”. They want to shake things up. They’re always reaching for better. And this means that, automatically, they have the luxury of designing their lives the way they want.

Because they’re self-sufficient and good with who they are and where they’re at, they don’t have to pick a partner simply because they’re afraid no one else will come along or because that person seems to present some advantage.

This means the basis for her relationships are not what she can get from others or even what she can give to others but, rather, what she can create together with her partner. She doesn’t just know what she wants — she’s also crystal clear on what she doesn’t want. And if she wants you — your life will never be the same again.

Alpha Females Are Contradictions

self confident girl standing next to a wall
Alpha females know how to use their charm.

Don’t be fooled: underneath her surface of self-confidence and assertiveness is…no, it’s not insecurity!

Alpha females are not about shiny veneers that, when peeled back, reveal hollow and inauthentic depths. When you peer deeper into her heart and soul and begin to understand the motivations for her strong actions, you’ll see that there are principles and convictions at play.

She is humble and observant, empathetic and emotionally intelligent. This is how she makes her way through this world: by actually listening to others, even while asserting her power. This action of pulling from opposites may make her a contradiction but it’s what makes her so continually surprising and, thus, constantly mysterious and intriguing to the opposite sex (or even the same sex!).

Alpha Females Have Little Tolerance for Drama

At the same time as they themselves are contradictions internally, don’t mistake this to mean that they like initiating conflict and drama.

Those are drama queens, not alpha females. Don’t get the two mixed up (though sometimes, it can be quite hard to tell them apart). The real alpha female is 100% up front about what she says. Whatever is in her heart is on her lips. This is not because she has no tact, sense of social consideration or she is guileless. It’s because she’s learned — from situations in her own life — that saying one thing and meaning another is the fastest way to create confusion, mistrust and conflict in her life.

The alpha female loves her life and is 100% engaged with living it to its fullest — so why would she want to introduce negative drama into it?

Be warned — if you bring this in her life, she’ll cut you out in her characteristic contradictory way: kindly but firmly.

Alpha Females Are Fiercely Independent But Loyal

Because alpha females don’t need you, they choose who they are loyal to. She might not have a whole host of friends or a gaggle of followers but that’s intentional: she likes to keep her inner circle close and prefers quality over quantity.

While she’s out there running her show and designing her life to her own preferences and desires, she is fully present in every moment. She’s grateful for the life she lives and cherishes her independence fiercely. It’s a form of self-expression for her.

This means that when she does choose the special people in her life and designates this status to them, it’s with care and conscious thought. It makes her incredibly loyal. Her alpha attitude of strength and self-possession is sure to always attract admirers when you’re out with her but consider yourself lucky and know that she’ll never give you cause to doubt her faithfulness.

Alpha Females Can Talk The Talk — And Walk The Walk.

In heels, no less! An alpha female’s signature move is putting her money where her mouth is (take that as literally as you’d like). She always follows through with bold claims, no matter how long it takes her. When she has her eyes set on a goal (or a person in her life she just has to have, she’s patient and persistent in its pursuit.

The lovely lady also comes with wisdom: the alpha female knows that things only count when they’re real. Talking about it is meaningless: it’s the doing that matters. Alpha females are do-ers. So if she wants something, she may declare it quietly to herself but she won’t talk about it until she achieves it. She may intend it but you’ll only know about it when she’s standing on the pulpit of achievement.

She simply puts her head down and quietly works away at it. This is how you know that you can trust an alpha female.

Alpha Females Keep It On The Down-Low

This relates to the previous point: it’s not so much that alpha females don’t like to brag or celebrate their wins. Nor is it that they want to be secretive and are mistrustful of others. Rather, it is more likely that life has taught this brave and daring woman that things are better savoured when they’re private. This may include her relationships.

It doesn’t mean she’s not emotionally expressive when you’re alone, by the way. She should be entirely loving and forthcoming when you’re together. But these women have worked hard for their achievements, both external and internal.

This means she prefers privacy and likes to celebrate with those closest to her, rather than baring her business to the world.

Classy, ain’t it?

Alpha Females Don’t Have Baggage

Or, rather, she’s pretty much worked through it. Alpha females, strong as they are, know that they are only human (part of the humility that comes with strength). They’re not afraid to admit that they are a work in progress. This doesn’t diminish their brightness but brings a new level of reliability to them.

Likely, your alpha female is actively working with a therapist to make sense of her past and present because she knows that seeking support is a healthy way to grow from life’s experiences.

Alpha Females Know How to Love Themselves — Which Makes Them Strong Enough to Love Another Fully

All of this allows your alpha female to really take stock of herself and realize what she’s worth. The fact that she won’t settle, that she knows what she wants and that she knows exactly what she has to do to achieve it and has likely accomplished quite a bit already imbibes her with a healthy sense of self-respect.

She very much values these qualities. And when she sees these in a man or a potential partner, she is drawn to them. Self-sufficiency is incredibly attractive to an alpha female. It tells her she doesn’t need to hold her partner up. She can look forward to running alongside him or rather, rather than having to prop them up.

Alpha Females Make You Rise To The Occasion

They’re not ball-busters in the least but make no mistake: you’ll not only need to challenge this woman, you’ll need to majorly step up your game. This type of woman expresses a lot of self worth, self confidence and self-esteem.But, on the other hand, she is looking in the mirror every single damn day and calling herself out.

Pulling from opposites, remember?

Striving for more and striving for better is not a mask: it’s ingrained in her DNA and if you want her to respect you…if you want to truly sweep her off her feet, you don’t need a white horse or trinkets. You need to display the exact same kind of attitude towards life. It’s not simply about “having your shit together”.

Attractive alpha lady in underwear, looking at herself in the mirror
An alpha female inspires passion, sexual desire and enjoys her body being pleasured by you!

Your alpha female can and should love exactly who you are, wherever that may be in the present. In short, she should (and will) love you for you. But self-improvement is the name of the game and she has to have a partner who will want to grow and evolve in the same way as she demands of herself.

Alpha Females Moves Fast

The best part about the alpha female? She’s constantly a surprise. You can never tell where she is and what she’s thinking. It doesn’t mean she’s into playing mind games. Rather, it means that she takes what she wants and lives life in the fast lane. If you’re wondering if the woman you’re with is an alpha female, ask yourself this:

  • Does being with her feel like a constant adventure?
  • Do you feel powerful and creative when you’re together, full of potential?
  • Does she have no qualms about making the first move, letting it be known how much she desires you?
  • Does she sometimes take control of initiating sex with you?
  • Does she enjoy her body being pleasured by you, without any insecurity?
  • Does she inspire passion, sexual and otherwise, in your heart?

Yep: you’ve got yourself an alpha female, you lucky dog. Now go run into the horizon!

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Image sourcesImage1 Kaspars Grinvalds - Fotolia.comImage2 Andrey_Arkusha - Fotolia.comImage3 vladee - Fotolia.com