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Flirt Magazine

Time to Go from Friends with Benefits to Something More

There's nothing wrong with being friends with benefits (FWB). When we enjoy someone's company and find them attractive, that doesn't automatically mean we should start a relationship.

friends with benefits in the bedroom
Friends with benefits fall every now and then in bed.

Sometimes things just happen, and fuck buddy situations evolve. And that can be great - but sometimes it isn't. Here's how to spot the tell-tale signs that you're starting to want more from your casual sex arrangement.

Your Dates Start to Feature More than Bars and Bedrooms

Sometimes it's hard to tell when friends become lovers, but one surefire way is to think about how your dates are panning out. In classic FWB arrangements, your social lives continue pretty much as normal.

You hang out with co-workers and other friends, but every now and then you just fall into bed for a casual hookup.

But that can change pretty quickly. For instance, when you start meeting for a chat or to learn more about each other away from the bedroom, that's a major indicator that some serious chemistry is developing.

And when you start arguing - oh boy, is that a sign of burgeoning relationship dynamics. So if things start to seem more complex, your FWB days could be over.

Jealousy Starts to Rear its Ugly Head

Here's the thing about FWB affairs: they almost totally lack the envy and jealousy that invariably develops when you commit to a longer term relationship. And if we're honest, that's exactly why we love them so much.

We feel free to be with someone we like, without worrying about who they see, what they think, and whether they are in it for the long haul.

Conversely, if you start asking yourself about any of these things, you're almost certainly leaving FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS territory and entering a completely different form of relationship.

If you start to think about who he's seeing, whether he still has dating profiles online, and whether you're his number one - you're NSA sex days are over, at least with that particular guy.

Casual Contact Becomes Constant Conversation

Another beautiful thing about hookups with friends is that they are so shallow. This might sound strange, because we're constantly told to honor our deep emotions and commit to other people.

But the fact that we can have great sex and be friends with someone, but not demand much from them beyond that is actually an incredible thing.

Until it isn't.

Sometimes, you lose that casual interaction, and text messages start flying between you and your NSA sex partner.

FWB having an exchange conversation
Do you suddenly need to know about each others' day?

Suddenly, you need to know about each others' day, about where you'll be tonight, or little things like what you're planning for dinner. When small talk trumps pure, NSA sex, you're headed into commitment-ville, so you better get used to it.

You Start to See Your Partner Through Different Eyes

When we transition from Friends with Benefits to romantic partners, it's not a small change.

As you're probably experiencing right now, it means totally changing the way we look at and feel about someone else. And it's a jarring feeling, that's for sure.

You might find yourself after sex lying there, thinking about the kind of person you're with, and whether they will be there next week, next month - or, who knows? - next year.

Or you might just look into their eyes and wonder what's there.

"Is it love?" OR Is it just sex?

Pro-tip: FOR THOSE AWKWARD MOMENTS

There's no better time to get things out in the open. Honestly. These moments of clarity are ideally suited to asking blunt questions about what's going on, and whether the two of you have a long-term future.

Your Friends Start to Drop Some Major Hints

Most of the time, when we are Friends with Benefits, we're also part of broader friendship groups. That's often where two casual sex partners meet, get close to each other, then fall into an FWB arrangement.


RELATED: Have an Affair to Remember - Without Getting Caught!


But it's also the setting for gossip and speculation.

Your friends will know all about your sexual escapades, believe me. Even if you're both totally confidential (though never discount the power of bragging), people will sense what the two of you are doing.

There's a good chance you aren't the only ones.

But here's the thing about friends: They care, and they observe your emotions. They can be the first to know when shallow affairs are blossoming into something deeper.

Pro-tip: DON'T BE HOSTILE

If you sense that a friend is nudging you towards making an admission about your FWB partner, don't be hostile. They probably aren't motivated by jealousy or spite. And they may be able to clear things up in your head about whether it's time to make a commitment. You should welcome that, not turn them away.

There's Always Something Left to Say When You Part

Finally, you can always tell that one night stand relationships are on the verge of becoming more serious when you part with a feeling of emptiness, or incompletion. You know the feeling. Like you should feel happy, elated even - but something's missing.

friends with benefits wondering if they should be something more
REMEMBER: Your arrangement might blossom into something deeper.

We get this emotion all the time, whether we're in a job that we need to leave, or a neighborhood that isn't working out for us, and things are the same in FWB arrangements.

When pure sex and physical lust starts to become less satisfying, and when there's something that simply has to be said, it's probably time to talk about commitment - or call the whole thing off.

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