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A Guide for Guys Trying to Sleep with Shy Girls

How frustrating is it when you've done all the ground work, show your romantic side, and really fallen for a girl, only to find out that she's shy in the bedroom? The truth is that not everyone is sexually confident.

shy girl with her boyfriend
Make her feel comfortable and you will get rewarded.

But any shrinking violent can be made to bloom - it just takes some encouragement and the right strategy, as this article explains.

Help Her Relax Before Your Big Date

This is really important, and it's something that guys often forget. When they arrange dates and talk to new partners, they often take it for granted that they share their confidence and sexual skills. So they make sexy jokes, talk about sex on the date too much, and effectively put pressure on their date to fall into bed.

Not everyone works like that, and you'll have more chance if you relax her, so talk about other things instead.

Chill Out and Ditch the Aggression

When things start drifting in the direction of the bedroom, resist the urge to hurry things along. And don't play the macho man to a shy girl. She won't react well to being pressured to have sex, and she almost certainly won't be impressed by bragging about sex.

Instead, be direct and clear about your physical desire, but make her feel comfortable. You might have to wait for a date or two, but it will be worth the delay.

Pay Attention to Whether She Starts to Relax

The more you talk, the more comfortable she should become. She'll start to make eye contact more often, searching for a look of empathy and complicity. She'll make more physical contact - a sure sign that she is thinking about sex. But she won't say "let's go to bed, now."

Her language is more subtle but just as easy to decipher. All it takes is some intuition and concentration.

Let Her Take Control When It Comes to the Bedroom

shy girl being seduced by a hot guy
Move gently and in the right direction!

The dynamics that arise between guys and girls in the bedroom largely determines how steamy the night will be. And the first few moments are crucial. When you enter the bedroom, don't try to take control. Don't assume superiority.

Give her a chance to tell you what she wants, and to dictate the pace of events. It may take some patience, but you can recede into the background and her desire will rise as she feels more in control.

Be Strategic About Taking Things Forward Beneath the Sheets

As you start making love, you'll need to be careful not to break the feeling that she is controlling events. Instead, adopt what we call the 90:10 rule.

If you want to kiss her, move 90 percent of the distance towards her. The final 10 percent will be a movement of her own - giving her the feeling of having the last word.

If you move gently in the right direction, she will follow but still feel in control.

Don't be Afraid to Settle for Non-Penetrative Sex at First

Some girls just want to take the physical side of things extra-slow - and that's their choice, so you'll need to respect it. If you get this impression, roll with it.

She may want to spend the first night or two with manual stimulation, oral sex or just kissing. Even if this seems a drag for you, it could be the key to her getting used to your body, so be patient and enjoy it.

Words really count when you are sleeping with a shy girl

When you do get down to it, here's the important thing to remember: It's not just what you do when you make love. It's what you say.

Shy girls need to feel reassured and valued. They like to hear you enjoying what they do, so compliment them and show your pleasure. Too many guys just let women get on with things or hardly say a word.

This might work with confident partners, but it can really turn shy girls off.

Talk about what turns her on if you get the chance

Over the long term, you'll both need to work out ways to turn each other on. To do so, why not think about drawing up a "passion wheel"?

Divide a circle into ten segments, five for you and five for her. Each segment contains a kinky activity that the other enjoys, and every day you choose one. Alternate between you and her, and discover everything that arouses her passion.

Don't Worry if Your Shy Partner Doesn't Express Her Pleasure

Another problem for guys when they date shy girls is frustration: it's easy to start to think that you are making sexual mistakes when your partner is too shy to communicate what she wants. However, don't take her reticence to heart.

It's just the way she is. Instead, try to draw her out. Ask her if she's enjoying herself, and don't expect high praise. Use your instinct to know if things are working out - it's usually pretty sound.

Don't be afraid to introduce her to new sexual ideas

Just because a girl is shy doesn't mean she is a sexual washout. Often that's far, far from the case. The thing is, she doesn't have the confidence to discuss her fantasies.

This means that she's probably receptive to new ideas and kinky games, provided you suggest them in a sensitive way. Don't dismiss her as stuck in her ways. She could be foxier and more imaginative than you will ever know.

shy girl after having sex
She will probably be receptive to new ideas and kinky games...

Always be Aware that She May Have Deeper Anxieties

Sometimes, shyness is the product of trauma and more deep-seated problems, and nothing at all to do with sex. In fact, most sexual shyness is rooted in the way we feel about our lives and bodies, not the dynamic between two individuals. So always be attentive to her worries.

Remember: She may have a history of betrayal and pain - and try to get past it by being loving and sympathetic. Never dismiss her shyness as a tactic or a shallow front. It could be more than that.

2 Pro Tips to Put Shy Girls at Ease

1. Talk about your sex life

It's not always easy to talk about sex, and when you're horny and ready to go, it's hard to set aside time to chat. However, it's really important to talk with shy girls about what they enjoy, what's going to happen, and how you feel about each other. It's situation where talk definitely isn't cheap.

2. Bring sex toys into the picture

It might sound wacky, but sex toys can really help shy girls loosen up. With a few props around, you can explore new ways to stimulate her, and generally lighten the atmosphere too.

That's pretty much all you need to know. If you really want to sleep with a shy girl, follow these tips and you'll have a great chance of turning the timidest beauty into a sexual animal. It may take time, but you can do it.

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Image sources: (1) deagreez | (2) oxxana | (3) gpointstudio | Fotolia.com