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7 Ways to Deal with a Boner in Public

Whatever you call it, a boner can be the source of immense embarrassment when it strikes at the wrong moment. While the sight of a sexy woman, dirty chat or the thought of casual sex can create a bulge in your pants, an erection can pop up at almost any time of the day — even when you’re in public.

man's hands covering his boner
Have you been wondering how to avoid a boner in public?

If you’re prone to unexpected hardons, you might live your life in a constant state of worry and panic. But there are some relatively simple ways of dealing with the problem.

A boner in public can, at best, be the source of crippling embarrassment. At worst, however, it can cause shock, outrage and a very awkward scene. The next time you feel your boner coming to life in the most inappropriate of places, perform one of the following techniques.

1. Mum in the Bath

The best ways to fight an erection involve thinking about things that are the very antithesis of sexy. One of the most effective images to visualise is the mum in the bath. Of course, thinking about a MILF soaped up in a bath will make the problem worse — unless it’s your mum you’re thinking of. Try to be as detailed in your thoughts as possible to really get the blood flowing away from your crotch area.

Picture every last curve, wrinkle and area of saggy skin, which should do the job nicely.

2. The Waistband Tuck

Erections can strike almost anywhere, but one of the worst places for such an event is the gym. While sweatpants are comfortable and conducive to exercise, they’re certainly not conducive to hiding a boner.

The next time the sight of a toned woman sweating on the step machine gets you hard, quickly grab hold of your erection, and tuck it into the elastic waistband of your sweats. Pull your shirt over the top, and no one will ever know.

Of course, you’ll need to find the perfect opportunity to grab your penis, otherwise you’ll probably be expelled from the gym and have your membership revoked!

PRO TIP: At the Gym

Wearing sweat pants with netting can make it easier to hide a boner at the gym.

3. The Diversion

There may be times when there’s nothing you can do to hide your erection. These occasions call for diversions that take people’s eyes away from your crotch. If you’re in a pub, for example, spill your drink and cause a commotion.

If you’re on public transport, turn up your music so it annoys everyone. If you’re in Church, simply get on your knees and pray for forgiveness! When there’s nothing you can do about your boner, simply accept it and try to make sure no one else sees it.

PRO TIP: Distraction is your Allie

If possible, draw people’s eyes at least two feet above your crotch, just remember how magicians use visual diversion tactics all the time.

4. Pocket Power

If you’re worried about boners striking at the most inopportune moments, always make sure you’re wearing trousers with large pockets. When your erection rears its ugly head, simply slip your hand into your pocket and push it against your leg.

If you’re worried that it might look like you’re masturbating, run your other hand through your hair — or do anything that will divert attention away from your throbbing member.

man bringing his pockets out from the trousers
Trousers with large pockets can save you big time!

5. Squeeze It

When the blood starts flowing south into your penis, there is very little you can do to stop it. An erection takes just two or three seconds to appear, but it can take several minutes to get rid of. The next time your boner makes a public appearance, your best move might actually be to give it a little tough love.

As discreetly as you can, slip your hand into your pocket and grab your member as forcefully as you can. Give your love length a tight squeeze, which should help to send the blood from whence it came. Of course, there is a risk of making yourself even more aroused, so only try this method in public if you’re sure your erection will respond.

6. Kegel Exercises

If you’re in an intimate environment, even the slightest of motions towards your groin area will be noticed. And let’s face it: the last thing you should be doing during a romantic dinner date is touching your crotch in order to tame a boner.

But it might be possible to get rid of your erection without moving your hands. Imagine you need a wee, but you have to hold it in. Use this muscle to kill your erection without drawing attention to yourself. Slowly contract and release the muscle a few times, and you should notice that your boner starts to deflate very quickly.

7. The Ice Bath

Nothing stops a boner in its tracks like the cold. If you notice a bulge in your pants while in a bar or restaurant, you should have the perfect solution on your table. Take an ice cube from a glass, and discreetly drop it into your underwear.

As the ice melts, so will your rampant member. However, this particular method calls for a very deft touch. Slipping an ice cube down your trousers without anyone noticing is a tall order, so proceed with caution.

There will probably be times in your life when you really want an erection, but just can’t persuade the little guy to play ball.

Unfortunately, Mother Nature has a sense of humour, and she’ll deliver that boner at the most inconvenient time possible.

embarrassed man after getting a public boner
That look of crippling embarrassment.

When this happens, knowing how to react could save you an enormous amount of embarrassment — and potential police involvement!

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Image sources: (1) Stepan Popov | (2) jpkirakun | (3) pathdoc | Fotolia.com